Quote:
Originally Posted by Shancan
This is my second month of therapy for PTSD and Dissociation ... stemming from childhood trauma.(Which I don't even have a clear memory of and makes all of this even more confusing)
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My sessions are bizarre and scare me ... I don't feel like myself at all. My T is a very nice older man ... but I worry that I am so attached to him. Why is this?? I have had some bizarre dreams about him that make me feel so uncomfortable. When I go for a session I am fine for the first few minutes then I start to freeze up and find it so hard to focus. And for the first few days after a session I am feel frantic. I had been going weekly but am not able to get into see him next week so it will be 2.5 weeks between sessions. I am finding it very hard ... and am wondering if it is even worth it to continue therapy. Every day I think I should just cancel the remainder of the appointments I have booked. Why am I so attached to a man I don't even know? I have read all about transference and I get it in the literal sense ... but I just don't get why this is happening to me. I also feel like I am stuck to try and digest what was talked about in therapy by myself, which is very hard to do. I just try to focus on my work and family and by the time the kids are in bed I crawl into bed to and just try to forget. Then I wake up at 2am and it's all still there!
SO I guess my questions are ... how do you calm yourself down and cope with not being able to talk with your therapist between therapy sessions? And how do I get over feeling so attached to my therapist? Should I seek a new therapist? (Which to be honest - I don't want to go through that again)
Really appreciate your thoughts on this ... I feel this is going to be my place to come between sessions.
Best,
Shan
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Attachment to one's therapist is normal...and often, if not always, painful. Everyone's situation is different - some people attach to their therapists early and others may take months to feel the attachment. Therapy is difficult, too, but not impossible to get through. This is your decision, but if I were you, I'd talk to your therapist about your feelings, as hard as that sounds to do. He's heard it all before, so he won't be shocked or judge you. BTW, attachment and transference are two different processes.
I understand what you're going through and I'm sorry you're suffering. Will changing therapists help in the long run? Sounds like you have a good relationship with this man...be sure you don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
There should be more people on the forum in the next few days. Don't make a decision until others have had the chance to give you their thoughts.
