I know my parents had their own histories that ended up leading to them making choices that were damaging and painful to me, but I have no idea if I would have most of the mental illness issues I have, if they had somehow been perfect. Because of my MI, and my abusive ex, and my inexperience, and being young and stupid, I know my kids had their own troubling childhood experience. I did my best to protect them from all of it, but I failed to do that. I finally left their father, but the damage had been done.

I think the most damaging thing about my childhood was the lie that as long as everything looked okay to the public, that was the most important thing....and from my mom's point of view, it seemed like a woman would do anything to keep the peace. My dad emotionally and physically abused her, and that is just the part I know about. I told myself I would never let someone treat me the way my stepdad treated her. But I stayed married to my ex for 21 years, and it took forever for me to realize that even though he acted like he loved me sometimes, and I was moody and ineffective( I didn't realize I had ADD and bipolar, and after all those years living at the mercy of someone'S mood, I developed anxiety), that it wasn't my fault he treated me like he did and it wasn't a normal relationship.

I think it is good to forgive people, but first I would like to understand how I got to this point. I would really rather not go into it, would rather forget my past issues, but now I have fallout problems, from the past, so I guess I will have to deal with it sooner than later.

But I do know that mental illness is not laziness and weakness, and depression is not weakness, it is a physically caused issue, and shaming you for it is not kind or caring, that is not what a loving parent does. Sounds like your mom doesn't understand mental illness very well. Also, sounds like leaving might have possibly been a healthy move, from what you were hearing from her.