I would prefer to be feeling something OTHER than "dead inside." This actually is my topic to talk about in therapy tomorrow. I always have this vague sense that I am a robot. I have told my T repeatedly that I am 75% robot, but this week has been odd. I am on the internet for about 10-15 minutes after I get home from work, and am bored. I shut the computer, stare at a wall, and feel empty. Numb. Sometimes I will try and sleep, but that never works for me, even if I am exhausted. Mostly, I turn to the bottle of bourbon, because as my T aptly puts it, it changes my mood, whether good or bad.
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