I may have reached that point where reality shatters those long held beliefs , those thoughts of being ok , of being strong enough , smart enough , tough enough ... time for a new reality ... of accepting , of being led , of surrendering control ... knowing you no longer know best , or even right and reality from wrong and fanstasy ... the willing surrendering of my will ... I do not know where this path will lead but I am now on it ... I only hope the way is well marked and thorn free , for I fear it is not ... to trust another with your soul ... to give up you ... to lose what you are .. have been .. and will become ... can someone who see's you as a folder on shelf , or a 3 month appointment date really know your destiny ... we shall see ... I have not done so good a job on my own .. can it really be any worst ... we shall see ... can they save me ... we shall see ... bye old Tigger ... hello ***** cat ... have given up material things .. locked them away .. forever gone .. part of my idenity died with that ... when I lock away my will . padlock my soul ... will it die too .... ?