Omegalamed-thanks for the advice and yeah you are pretty much right about how I feel. It's almost everything about me that I don't like including my personality and basically just myself as a person. I can see what you mean about life isn't just about accomplishments and that there's more to it.

rcat- thanks for the advice. I should probably look into books about it. I do go to a therapist but this isn't the kind of work that I do with her.