hey couch!! had a rather enlightening t session this morning. well the enlightenment came after I left of course as often happens... so I've already emailed her the realization that hit on the way home.... we were talking about my h and how in the past 6 months I've spent more than a little time thinking about not being with him anymore, and I said something like "It would be easier if I didn't love him." But on the way home what I realized is that the whole 'problem' in my marriage right now isn't how I feel about HIM. It's that in learning to love MYSELF, I'm becoming a whole person unto myself, and I am struggling with holding onto my whole self w/in my relationship with h. I've grown SO much through my work in therapy, and he hasn't, and it's difficult, I feel like I have to give up my wholeness in relation to him, kind of go back and forth at work and wherever else that's not my relationship with h, I am my whole self that I have learned to become, but with h, it's like I have to set that aside and pretend to be the less-than-whole that I was for the bulk of our marriage to try to "get along". I don't even begin to know how to hold onto ME in relation to my h. So that's what we're going to talk about next time. And then I'm taking a break for April, because I realize something else - and this is why I feel the need to take a break - it's because what I have always done with people in my life, is make them a part of myself, to try to make myself whole, instead of doing the work to become whole within myself. That's what I've done with h. And that entails taking care of him, feeling responsible for his happiness and feelings, etc etc. AND I further realize I have also done this in a way with t too - different than with h, but still the same idea nonetheless. So I feel the need to take a break, because I need to spend some time finding myself apart from her. If that makes any sense. I did such good work today it gave me a headache!!