I have always been an uptight perfectionist until the past 5 yrs.
So the first half of my daughter's life, I was always...don't do this, don't touch that. A complete hoverer. Always protecting to the extreme.
I love her but I never felt that deep motherly bond that I think mom's are supposed to feel.
I didn't understand it & was afraid to ask anyone for fear of being judged.
Now, I am more laid back, more fun loving, more unrestricted. She is a great kid & very well behaved.
But only recently have I started to feel a bond with her.

I've never understood it. I was never raised around kids & didn't really have a desire to have any. I had a horrific childhood & never wanted to harm another helpless human.

I feel like an awful human & mom.

Is this a bipolar thing? Not being able to bond? Or is it from all my other issues?
Maybe it is a fear of getting close to her & failing at my job? I don't know.
Thoughts?