I don't know if I can accept myself without validation. To me everything is white and black there is no gray. It's either i am one way or the other. It becomes obsessive. I hate secrets. I hate when ppl don't tell me things that have to do with me and it makes me very volatile. I am so anxious and stressed and just trying to get by. Been having a very hard time this week where it just seemed nothing was going right and I should just stop trying.

I literally just wanted to get back in my pajamas and sleep or die. Instead I stayed dressed and cried a bit, yelled at myself, forced myself not to SI, and waited for my wife to get home and be ok. In the span of 2 days I jabbed my foot hardcore to the pt I seriously thought I broke something, tripped (I'm very clumsy) and fell on my arm thought it'd be fanf*ing tastic that I could break my arm the way I landed, and had my kitchen sink back up. To make matters worse if anyone showered the kitchen sink overflowed so that had to be baled. All on my damn birthday which I hate enough as it is.