I see so much of who I once was in you. Festering and growing from the age of 9/10, the self loathing, feelings of unworthiness, destructive behaviour as self punishment and self medication. The lost Soul Mate - she who got me clean and set me up for success despite my Mental Issues - who broke my heart and abandoned me.

Yet despite falling to physical Disabilities and illnesses after she left, and living a life where the severe Depression is a constant companion and Anxiety/Panic Attacks only ever bubble under the surface, I found Love again, lost it, but in the interim gained my children and - eventually - Grandchildren. I actually lost everything for a while due to the zombifying effects of Citalopram, but I fought for my family when my Ex left and I quit that hateful med.

You see, if you think and act as a good person then, by definition, you are a good person. It is your MI which makes you doubt this and has you behave as you do. I was weak, introverted and so Anxiety-wracked that Therapy wasn't an option for me, but I still ended up satisfied with how my family life turned out (don't mention my parents or childhood!). I believe you still have all your options and future open to you.

Dave.