I've been in hospital for about a week and a half. Didn't want to go so they had to section me. I can't say that I've noticed any improvement as yet...if anything I'm feeling worse. So agitated all the time and on the brink of doing something destructive. I've managed to control it so far by just punching walls and hitting me head. Really need to cut and I've desperately been hunting all this time for something sharp, trying different things. Wish I smoked so I had access to a lighter...

I managed to bring something back onto the ward today without initially realising. Now it is hidden for later. I'm hoping it will do the trick.

Really want to be asleep right now. But I just can't switch off. Had my normal meds, sleep meds and other PRN and yet I'm still wide awake at 2:30am.

I also managed to destroy my phone a couple of days ago feeling very out of touch with the world.

I'm getting angry so easily, and that just isn't me normally. Hope they can actually so something with my meds..so sick of feeling this way. Want to just go home but I can't want to do a runner...but I'm on escorted leave only right now.

Feel so trapped. And I still have such strong suicidal urges. Is this ever going to end?