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Originally Posted by Icare dixit
Innerzone, I give you a hug for every further question you answer! 
This one's for free: 
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Thanks! You have unwittingly created a very positive resolution for me. In short: no working computer for a year. Intention to take in. Lack of money. BUT, knowing there was NO WAY I could tackle this from phone, I was troubleshooting computer from phone and have resolved to work really hard to tech-up and try to fix it on my own.
We'll see. (I'm working in email with lots of saves, because it's highly doubtful that I've "solved" it from today's efforts, but so far, so good.). Apologies in advance for the severe "pruning".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icare dixit
...In countries where they walk/drive at the wrong side of the road I do exactly the same: don't think about, just do it. When I start to think about it I am a real danger to myself and others. 
...Do any of you also struggle at times to remember passwords or PINs, while you are capable of entering them, if you "just do it"?...If so, the following may tell us why. It is very long, but years in the making (including some other similar posts). I would greatly appreciate your comments and/or suggestions...
...The takeaway from this is that all these areas are more or less involved in the arbitrarily sequential operations/functions in the brain. Any (rote) learning of facts, use of language, speech, writing, walking, hair- and teeth-brushing and all other internalised movements and associations go through and use these brain areas…. |
Wrong side of the road, lol. I did just as you described when in Ireland. Also, people thought I was nuts to choose a manual because more actions to do backwards. But that is what I've always driven, so, though more complex, easier,
because I wouldn't have to think so much. Do, don't think. Went like a breeze. Automatics confuse me no matter which side I'm on(!)
I have to confess that I can only slightly follow your theory. And sad to say, but this is a "sharp" day. (I can't follow
anything on spaced out days). While I think the backwards/upside down it is from lateral thinking, I think that other things are from muscle memory, which is of course what's going on in the case of everyday things that come naturally unless you stop to think too much. (I don't think the upside down/backwards thing can be attributed to muscle memory because I do it only
super rarely. Like many years apart).
I don't have a clue how muscle memory works biologically. But that's ok.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Icare dixit
Just from reading your post, I have it changed to BP-I (if it is all the same to you and of course only if your psychiatrist agrees). Especially because of the hallucinations and ADHD inattentive (the latter being very much like, and can have been misdiagnosed as such at an early age, SZ/BP prodromes. Also your mood dysregulation may be (I don't know, mind: please tell me!) more continuously erratic due to generalised anxiety (which personally, taking the place of a clinician for the moment, I would not never separately diagnose) and OCD issues.
Did you receive your ADHD-i diagnosis before or after your BP diagnosis? Do you only experience tactile hallucinations when depressed or (hypo)manic? Do your tactile hallucinations feed into, or maybe cause or have started, your OCD? If so in answering the last question, I would try a different approach for that, in addition to "normal" psychotherapy for OCD, only if needed after the tactile hallucinations have been taken care of (you might then not experience residual OCD problems). Did you have OCD problems early on (in your childhood or early adolescence)? Might these have been caused by tactile hallucinations (it's possible for hallucinations to only be recognised at a later age)? Did you have clear lateral thinking in your childhood as well (again, maybe misdiagnosed as ADHD-i), which might in some way resemble (formal) thought disorders? To help distinguish between the two: did your surroundings, outside stimulation, cause mainly your problems or internal thought processes?
About one third of people with BP (could be a bit less: I forgot the exact figures) are diagnosed with ADHD. I think most, but arguably not all, are misdiagnosed, having experienced, and do still experience more severely, SZ/BP prodromes.
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I think she just keeps it as BP II because the depressions are such a dominant feature, and any BP I things are quite spread out and haven't been a big problem.
The ADHD was a late dx. I can see the case made for it, so I'm comfortable enough with the dx, but am not
100% on board with it. The meds do help, but not eliminate. With there being crossover symptoms, it can't. ADHD dx was a few years after BP dx.
The GAD certainly does no favors for the BP, but goes beyond, so I totally see it being a separate dx. (I wasn't sure if you thought it should or shouldn't be -- double negative, typo or?). The mood dysregulation is not continuously erratic, so no on that one.
Oddly enough, I'm not totally clear in which state some of my hallucinations occur. Some yes, but others, no. I'm not great at keeping track, and don't always recognize my states (especially hypomania) unless someone points it out. Also, I don't get too concerned over every little thing. To me, the tactile ones are the worst/most disturbing. They are bad enough by themselves, but a HUGE aggravation I have about them is how they are totally written off as being only in the drug/alcohol realm. NOT THE CASE FOR ME!!!!!, so it bothers me to be judged with a
totally inaccurate forgone conclusion!!! Consequently, I nearly always keep my mouth shut. Rant over.
My psych knows that is not the cause, though is not sure whether to attribute it to BP or OCD. Especially because sometimes it's tripped off by thinking obsessively about bugs and sometimes not.
Visual are usually with depression.The most disturbing visual one was a black cat walking across the floor. Right there, not a motion to the side. Auditory… pretty random, though sometimes they're a clue that I'm on the way up. They're unclear, not outside myself and do not command. Olfactory… random... I think. Infrequent, but always same smell (rotten chicken). Generally I don't freak out over any of them, though I did have a MAJOR flip out over "the bugs" once. TG only BF saw it (especially because I ripped my clothes off, lol!. Well, lol
now…)
Regarding OCD itself, yes, some stuff goes way back. Mostly obsession (which I think is why it's confusing with GAD), but some compulsions too. For example I have a number that if not observed I fear something bad will happen. Which is ridiculous, but there you have it. The number is also part of a repetitive motion I've done since time out of mind. Etc.
Lateral thinking since childhood.
I just looked up formal thought disorders to refresh my memory. I can relate to quite a few of these, but the only ones that are actually problematic are the BP related ones. Some of the others… honestly? Amuse me(!) Hope no one finds that offensive. Just speaking for myself. Sure, it can be a bit frustrating, and I can come off a bit weird, but so what?
I've got a strange sense of humor and am definitely self-deprecating (for better and worse), so why not just roll with it, right?
With nothing to back it up, it almost seems to me that some of them are by-products of lateral thinking. Loose associations, after all…
Phew!