I'm so sorry. [sadhug] I know this may seem paltry to you right now, but I was suicidal every day for most of 2015, and I've only just started noticing this week that I've started to get better. That's not to say I've recovered. I haven't. I still have suicidal days, I still sometimes cut, and I am still extremely, debilitatingly depressed. But. This used to be every day for me and I thought I would never be able to think of anything else. Now I'm slowly, oh so very slowly, starting to maybe find happiness again.
I wish you luck, friend. I'm praying for you right now as I type this message. You can do this. I know you can. I'm so sorry you have to go through this but please know that there are people who care and a place you can turn to. That's what PC is for. I hope we can be of service.