Quote:
Originally Posted by FallingFreely
Sorry Chummy! I didn't mean to put things on you that might not apply! Just making some observations.
I think many of us (including myself) have looked to therapists to meet needs that the therapists weren't equipped to meet. Rationally, we know certain truths but our emotions don't always fall in line.
As an example, I used to struggle a lot with my therapist's vacations. Rationally, I knew she deserved a vacation, I knew she'd be back, and I knew I'd survive in her absence. Emotionally, I couldn't understand how she could go somewhere nice while I was home struggling, I felt she was never coming back, and I felt I was going to dissolve into a lonesome mess in her absence. Reasonably, I couldn't expect my therapist to always be at my beck and call, but it felt like a very strong need none the less. It was a good opportunity to look to other supports.
You have no reason to feel ashamed at all! I think it's great that you are considering revealing emotions that are embarrassing and difficult. The more you share with your therapist, the more she can help you. The good part about developing feelings for your therapist (instead of someone else) is that she can help you through the feelings.
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I understood that
I've read a lot about it and a lot of articles say things like that. So I wanted to explain how it is with me. Though it is confusing for me.
What you wrote about your T's vacation, I can relate to that. My T was going away for 2,5 weeks. I didn't like that, but I could do that. But I couldn't see her for 4 whole weeks. Because on the days I could she was full. And she knew which days from the week I could go to therapy. So I felt hurt that she gave that to other clients and not saved a time for me. I've been so long with her. More than most of her other clients if not all. I felt angry about that. And she was like; I could do that, the weeks will fly by. Not.
I think what I want from my T is, what I call, T+ or therapy+. Therapy or therapist with benefits
So what I've now, but I want to know some things about my T, music she listens to, books she reads, places she likes to visit, that sort of things. I would like a hug so now and then. I would like it if she would send a check-up mail after a very difficult session. I would like a short encouragement card or note if I won't see her for a long time.
It's not much (I think). It doesn't cost much.
It might also come from insecurity. I like her. She has been my only good t so far. She's important to be, during this difficult time in my life. I need her for therapy. And this ''relationship'' is just a weird something. I'm teling her things I've never told anyone else. And she listens to me. But only because I pay her. And sure, T's don't only do this works for the money. But T's can't like every client they see. They must get tired of someone once in a while or often. They must dislike some of their clients. I'm doubtfull T's will every be completely honest to me.