Every so often I do a check and find myself riddled with guilt.

I've spent a lifetime fighting the would-a , should-a, could-as.
My philosophy has been -What are you going to do about it now.

But as my mixed episode intensifies,I'm breaking my own guidelines.

For example, If I hadn't gotten sick last year, I wouldn't have undergone the ECT which is messing me up right now.

Well I know you can't change the past.so why am I fixating on it?
How do I keep getting my feelings hurt from workers, robbers , embezzlement ? Why am I looking for reasons to blame myself ?