Maybe this violates the posting policy. If it does, I'm sorry, I'm considering retiring anyway.

I'm thinking about it. I've spent a couple of hours already reading more about my reasons why, which only makes me more certain there's no other option. Change isn't only impossible but undesirable. So I started looking up methods...

In short, what kind of affairs should one have in order before suicide? I'm in a bit of debt and it feels wrong to off myself with those debts outstanding, like cheating in a way. But I don't know if I can deal with the shame and disgust of my own situation much longer, not long enough to pay them off. Nor do I think I could hold out.

I'm sorry for this post, but other sites are pretty vague about "getting things in order". Maybe I'll try a hotline later.