I think your inability to bond is a trauma issue from your own bad childhood, not bipolar. That's something you'll have to work on in therapy. It took me awhile to want kids because of what I went through. Then I overwhelmingly wanted them to "fix" what happened to me. Now I have one and I feel awful because I'm repeating the same mistakes, and LIFE is repeating the same mistakes (I lost my father and now my husband is dead so my son's father's gone too). It's hard but there's nothing I can do about it now. I think you gotta just keep talking about it in therapy.