Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
I agree that going back where you came from is not a great idea. That wasn't really working for you in the past.
For the next three months, I think you ought to stay right where you are. This guy is providing you with some refuge and it sounds like it's helping you.
You can't turn your feelings off . . . and he can't turn his on. So be respectful of the distance he is maintaining from you, and don't pressure him for more closeness. Just absorb the warmth of his friendship for now. Work your program, stay clean and sober, and stop thinking longterm. Just continue being helpful around the house and be a good guest. Do that for a few months, then re-evaluate the whole situation. Sometimes, we just have to grope our way from day to day, not knowing where it's ultimately taking us. It's okay to do that. Not knowing the future won't kill you. Let go of wanting to know. Just concentrate on your sobriety.
This guy is providing some friendship. Appreciate that. If you decide you have to have more, you're going to end up out of there. Then you'll gravitate toward a guy who will be sexual with you . . . . and, most likely, also abusive. It will not be a change for the better.
You are not ready to be in an intimate relationship right now. This guy you're staying with is actually being the best kind of a friend that you need right now. He cares more than you realize, but he is wisely backing off to give you room to clean up your act.
I was going to suggest AA, but, as you may already now, that comes with its own dangers. You'ld probably be preyed upon by the unscrupulous types that wander in there. Get more time sober first.
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I want to say thank you very much. Your comment really means a lot to me. As you have recommended, so did my treatment team at the hospital(3 months). Actually it may have something to do with why they kept me so long. They wanted to be sure releasing me to him would be ok. Going back to where I came from was not an option they wanted to pursue, however neither was a shelter because of my panic disorder. They monitored my daily visits with him. The reason why they didn't want to release me to him either was because of his mixed signals. I was still pretty fragile when I was released. I have come a very long way in my recovery. The alcohol was self medication, I do not know how to put that any better. I do not think about drinking whatsoever. Just recovery. I've been completely honest with my doctors, however it took until the past two weeks to even start seeing anyone other than my therapist since I was released from the hospital the end of January. I just had a med change and I'm thinking that may be the issue right now. It's making me depressed so I need to inform my med doc, however I'm not sure if it's the meds or because of the anniversary of my baby's passing. So i will give it another week. I do realize he cares very much. He is being a great friend. It's the mixed signals that get to me and I need to just ignore them. Yeah and no I went with my mom to AA and no cannot do it. I do go to DBSA groups twice a week. There is a member there that lives close by me if I need a friend. Plus I have a great friend I've met through here. I really wish I just hadn't posted this at all. I was not in my right mind. And yes I'm still sober. Again, thank you.