It sounds like you feel responsible for their feelings.

It sounds like you would consider this to be your fault, or at a minimum that you would feel guilty and uneasy if this happened.

You want to have a civil conversation with her, but you cannot make her be civil and it is not your fault if she is not civil. unfortunately, you might have to acknowledge and accept that such conversations perhaps cannot occur right now.

I suspected as much with regard to your sister. It sounds like you are afraid of her getting upset with you, as the consequences can be severe.

There is a word for when a person feels responsible for the feelings of others: Co-dependence. Are you familiar with it? It often comes up in connection with addictions or romantic relationships, but it occurs within families as well. Here are some signs of it:

Signs of codependency include:

• Having difficulty making decisions in a relationship
• Having difficulty identifying your feelings
• Having difficulty communicating in a relationship
• Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself
• Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem
• Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval
• Having an unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at your own cost
• Having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others

Do You Have a Codependent Personality? | Everyday Health

I suggest that you read a bit about it.

With regard to your anger and temper, in what sorts of situations do you tend to lose control?

How accurate is the following? It sounds like you basically are willing to make yourself into a pretzel (said with all the kindness and respect and gentleness that I can muster ) to understand and support everyone else. Then you start to resent it when they don't acknowledge or appreciate your efforts. Then the resentment boils over and you explode--and everyone blames you for that.

What would happen if you got on his wrong side?

Here is a guy who shows up uninvited and interferes, critiques you, and pressures you. What would happen if you hurt his feelings in telling him in a civil way to give you the space you need?

It is possible that your uni does not offer counseling services to students, but it would be worthwhile to check it out imho. Perhaps you could snoop around a bit? Is there a nurse/doctor/health services unit? They might be able to direct you towards counselors. Or if you are in the UK you could ask at an NHS.

I think it could help to sit down and speak with a counselor. I hope and expect that they will understand how family dynamics can lead to low self-esteem and depression. I hope and expect they will have ways to try to help.

I am glad that you have found PC and are using it for help, kindness, and support. You deserve these things! And people here want you to have them.