Scientia, I and many others here know the thoughts that come along with ideation that you describe. I am hoping that the fact that you posted here for help indicates that really you don't want help putting your affairs in order but are looking for some hope for an alternative and some relief to all of these thoughts that take over our brains when we are depressed.

Please act on your instinct to call a hotline. Try a few if you need to. My first call was unsuccessful, my second call immediately following got me to a hospital with a friend and that was ten years ago and I am still here because of that.

Please call a hotline or talk to someone. Help is available and the thoughts running through your head feel practical but they are the result of depression.

Hope you find some help and once you are on your way we here can offer understanding and support.