((( Scientia ))) , I think we'd all love to see you overcome whatever problems you face as much as you would. You have to still be around in order to accomplish that. Please listen to the advice listed so far, and post as much as you need to.

I vividly remember being exactly where you are now in terms of feeling at wit's end with no better choices. One question I asked myself was, if I can put this much energy into ending it all, surely there has to be a way I can apply myself to fixing problems that have put me in this state of mind? That's all I really wanted - a resolution to problems, tangible improvements, not leaving the world.