I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and was wondering why I'm not as enthralled with having orgasms as I used to be. Okay, so having an orgasm is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but it seems I've overexposed myself to porn these last few years, and what used to excite me, doesn't have nearly the same impact it used to. Also, the act of having sex just doesn't seem to be anything special to me. If it's good sex, it feels awesome, but emotionally, I'm just doing it because of that, fulfilling a need that needs to be filled. It's like eating. I do eat because I'm hungry, same as I have sex because I have the need to orgasm.

However, I find I orgasm better when I masturbate than I ever did having sex. Maybe I just haven't found the right partner? Goodness knows it didn't help when my latest ex had the misfortune of performance anxiety and sex was more so....exasperating than anything else. I really felt for the guy, it wasn't his fault, and tried so hard to work with him. Nothing really worked. A

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can sastisfy myself sufficiently, what incentive do I have to seek out another person to do it? Also, maybe the porn I watch, and the frequency, has dulled me somewhat to the special moments that making love to a lover can create. Is that possible?

I know masturbation is normal, and exploration of one's body and finding what works and what doesn't is a healthy thing to do, and should be encouraged. I know all that. It's just, maybe I'm indulging a touch too often to make it a novelty anymore, and also killing any desire I have to find a partner. Making love should be a treat, something special shared between lovers, right? I should have the desire to go out and seek that "something special", and find joy, and a deeper level of connection, in sharing sexual release with a partner.

Is abstaining from porn and masturbation for a while the solution? Should I hold off until I have a lover, so that the act of achieving an orgasm is something to look forward to, something of an incentive to go out and find love? I think that's what I'm going to do for now. It's not that I view masturbation as being wrong in any way, it's just....I think I need a way to make sex and orgasms special again.