I don't know how much I can accept all the "we don't want to lose you" stuff, from anyone. I've absorbed too much internet cynicism that's finally kicking in: I'm an annoying total stranger, the only reason anyone here expresses any concern at all is from a moral feeling of obligation, a pang of conscience or a sense of camaraderie thanks to similar experience. It has little to do with me, though I'm narcissistic and needy enough to latch onto it.

Or maybe you guys are exceptions and are particularly empathetic and actually do care. I can just infer.

On that note: elevatedsoul, I definitely know what you mean. I mostly want the guilt, shame, and general pain to stop. But I doubt it can in life: at best I might be able to mask it - but that would take a level of work I doubt I could pull off.