Again... I think most if not all of the people here aren't posting out of obligation... What's different here than on the rest of the cynical internet is that we don't sympathize, we empathize, because we've been there, felt the same things, and maybe are feeling them now.

Also again... It seems like a mountainous worth of work that would be impossible to achieve. And while it is a lot of work, there's a part of your brain that is lying to you that is telling you it is impossible or isn't worth it. Therapy, medications, can get that depression part of the equation out of the way so that you can begin to find some hope and relief that makes the work accessible and worthwhile. But you have to take that step, make a call, get some help.