I sure didn't expect any replies after such a long time, I'm glad I still check back every now and then. (Maybe it's time to write another super long message on this forum?)
I know that issue about how bad things just tend to happen because of thinking too much...
Although it might be of different nature to us.
I'm sure that if I re-read what I wrote on this forum a while ago, I would imagine people making fun of me and judging me, or hell, even doing that myself so I don't have to expect someone else to do it... I'm awfully paranoid sometimes. The fact that there is a good reason to be (maybe just thinking that there is), doesn't help much either.
I don't know, I think I just accepted my fate now (for now?), I'll just waste away as I was bound to from the start, maybe help speed up the process if I ever get the chance to do it in a non-scary way and feel too bad, who cares.

Also I honestly can't tell what an acquaintance is... or even a friend, or at which point its a close friend... can you have have more then 1 close friend? Would it make a friend less valuable if you get a second one? That was a bit unrelated I guess.
But for me it's like this, it's easier to deal with people I actually get along with on a basic level. Which for me includes telling them all the bad things about me that come to my mind without thinking too much, if someone still says they don't hate me, it means that either they're lying or that they I didn't tell them enough and I have to talk more to them to prove them that they do indeed hate me once they know me enough... So I don't believe a single person I have ever known to actually like me, but I guess just a pretend-friendship isn't as bad as nothing at all, it's not like I worry about it non-stop when dealing with someone...and I'm not sure if I can say I -truly- like someone or care about them either, so it's all fair I suppose.

...I actually tend to do that myself, I still sometimes don't show myself for some days/weeks. The good thing is that no one seems to care, the bad thing is... that no one seems to care.
About the acting...I try to avoid that as much as I can, it feels awful and I have enough of it. I don't want to live in this world, it's bad behaviour if its hurting me, so why bother doing it? I Don't want to stare into peoples eyes when it makes me loose my mind anymore, I don't want to be like "good morning" when I freaking don't care and think there's no point in saying that... I want to stop being worried about people thinking I'm rude for simple things like that too, it's not like I'm going to eat their children because I don't act like one of those perfect soulless robots... it's rude to expect others to be like that. Just let people be themselves if it's not going to harm you... darn you, normal people...I hate it.
Rant over. (Meanwhile I'm still trying to use proper grammar on forums because I feel like someone is going to expect it)

Speaking about games though, I got praised by someone for fooling around recently without ever saying a word, I actually managed to not feel bad about it and just take it. It didn't matter who I am or who they were, it was fun, end of story. That was the best thing that happened to me this year, as much as I think its silly to feel good about being praised... so pathetic, right? Yep, someone had to say it... But maybe I'm getting used to being pathetic like that, at least I'm honest with myself that way. It sure is progress compared to acting like a puppet that has no feelings or desires on its own... I probably really need to try and drop that stuff, although it's hard in reallife where people are constantly staring holes into you. I don't think I ever mentioned this to anyone at all, but I always feel like I'm doing something really bad if I showed my emotions too much...oh and today I had a scary dream again about a place we used to lived at in the past, I... am probably going really off-topic here... no cares, right? Right. I feel more like I'm thinking then posting now anyway.
So I was dreaming that we lived at our old home which I could have sworn was haunted by something, including one of our cats that died there... even though I don't really believe in ghosts, that home made me freak out a lot. So in that dream we just moved there again and I knew it wasn't safe to go inside, but did anyway... and then I heard a spooky and wind-like noise in my head and the feeling of something trying to get inside of my head, which seemed to make my mind fade away... end. What made me feel weird about it was that it seemed really familiar, that feeling of something trying to get into your head/mind and then basically making you pass out. But that's probably just because I keep dreaming about ghosts and stuff like that.

I'll just end it here for now, see you next time, random forum people who bothered to read this (and elevatedsoul, if you're still around)