sorry you are struggling... i know what you mean by depression feels like part of you now..
if the current medications you are on aren't working have you considered switching..?

or if you have been seeing the same doc for a long time and he's not helping much then maybe you need a new doctor...?

i quit seeing my last pdoc because he just wouldnt listen to me and thought he knew how i was feeling when i was telling him otherwise... he would be like "oh this helps your sleep and anxiety" and im like "no it really doesnt make me sleep any better and im still anxious as hel" and he be like ok good i'll see you in 6 months