Thanks so much for the examples of how pronouns enter into direct address. I get how that would sting. It's like you are invisible to her when she does that, and it would feel invalidating. In fact, that's probably what I would end up saying if it were me. I am also tacky enough to make a buzzing sound when she used the wrong pronoun and hold up a flash card with the correct one.

If you want to create more distance, you can share how dunderheaded *someone* on pc was about this, and say how it opened your eyes to how hard it is to get people to understand the use of pronouns and gender identity (see I already learned that).

Hopefully, you can gauge her level of awareness/education and whether or not she will lead herself to get more education on the topic or whether it feels right to offer to bring things in for her to read. Maybe she will slap her head and be sorry and ask you to keep bringing it to her attention. You can work it out.