hey debbie
i have to thank the powers that be for letting me be able to throw up easily without many physical consequences. however i think its a good thing that a reaction like that happens for you because at least that rules this out as a coping mechanism for you.
i cant talk to my T about what is making my depression worse. i could identify it if i tried. obsessing about stuff that has no meaning in reality. thats whats doing it. now if i could turn up out of my mind drunk tomorrow maybe i could talk about it but not sober! lol. i know why i feel like this. i think. i just dont understand why it has this effect on me. there had to be something else. its like blaming a fast merry go round for ptsd. it doesnt make sense. there are so many questions i cant ask and that no one can answer even if i could ask.
all i can say to T to describe why i am drinking more is this feeling of desperation. i dont think she s interested in that. unless i can pin something more concrete to it.
i was going to answer your message from the other thread. copied it to a word document so i wouldnt forget it cos i didnt want to keep hijacking that thread!
so i may as well respond to that thread here. i adore my real mum even though she has made so many mistakes and made me so incredibly mad. i know she only does these things from the goodness of her heart. ive shared a heck of a lot with her recently i never thought i would but there are still things i dont know how to share with myself or my T nevermind her.
i also have a lot going on for myself but i try to be there for my mum as much as possible (again her excellent parenting skills kick in! lol). i listen to her as much as i can and then have recently learned to say 'thats enough' when i cant deal with any more.
i have been at least supporting if not pushing my mother towards separation for the last couple of years and i really understand how unbelievably hard it is do decide that without support. let me just say please that i am here to listen to you if you want to pm me about anything. i really mean that. supporting (or pushing??) my mother into this has left me with a lot of issues to resolve for myself but also with a fairly clear idea, objectively, of what is healthy and what is not so im willing to share my thoughts at any time if you think it might be helpful or just want an extra opinion.
my mum, like you btw, is getting better at saying what she feels and to heck with what others think. its up to her/your husband to care what you think and act accordingly so, in my view, whats wrong with being blunt!
i would love you to adopt me btw cos i have a long history with loving horses but being forced away from them and because i am a huge doggie lover! as well of course because i admire your courage, strength, determination, imagination (whatever you say about not having an imagination! ) and independence. you represent someone i would love to be when i am older. (as in not OLD but older than the 26 i am now!)
i always seem to be following you round this board just agreeing with your posts btw. which makes me appreciate your answers to my posts all the more. please pm me any time you might have a doubt or want to talk ok? and thank you so much.
(((((((((((((((((((debbie))))))))))))))))))))))
oh and also thats what Ts are there for in a way! to be dumped on! hehe.