Thanks Chummy. Sorry about your struggles.

From what i understand, happiness isn't an end point, it has to be incorporated into your day-to-day life. So if you make your expectations low, it might not feel so bad?

I'm at the point where i don't care about happy at all. I just want to be able to do what the average person does (or can do)-open mail, tend to personal tasks, read a book, don't isolate/keep in touch with family and friends, wake up from sleep feeling like i slept, etc. Simple things.

That's another thing that seemed to impact my self-esteem. My social life really declined, i lost friends from isolating from the depression for so long. Year after year, i turned invites down. Now i am alone a lot, and it feels like i am an 'outsider'. In the rare event i go to a social occasion, i feel alone yet surrounded by people.

Real glad that medications worked out for you. Were the antidepressants, or did you have undiagnosed bipolar or something else?