Here goes another example of what it's like for another couple. I met my husband in school the year he was graduating. I still had several more years before getting my BS. My goal was to have a career, enjoy my life & be able to take care of myself. Being a woman that had no desire to have children, that was a pretty perfect picture of what I wanted in life. Then we decided to get married....or at least thought about doing it. I layed out my desires for what I wanted in life.....he listened without hearing a word I said. He couldn't believe that any woman could feel that way, but agreed with what I was saying to my face.

Thus started the 32 years of misery. 2 years into the marriage....oops. I was pregnant....not in my plans at all. I was angry & to top it off, he even suggested that I take time off school to take care of the baby. You have to be kidding. Sure, I messed up too....it was as much my fault as his. I wasn't going to have the baby, but couldn't go through with that plan, so I told him this was the one & only....no more & since he was the one that wanted kids, he could take care of her.

It didn't exactly work that way, but the only time I took off from school was the spring break when I had her. She went to my computer labs with me or I found people from church that were loving to babysit. My husband was taking care of her when he wasn't at work & it was my time to study. When I really had school work, my parents were definitely willing to care for her. In the long run, they became the basic care takers during the week & we had her on the weekends....when I finally graduated & started my career.

The resentment that I wasn't believed when I went into the marriage has haunted this marriage all along. We tolerated each other because of the things that a 2 career family could buy.....but that was all there was to it.

Today, finally after 32 years of this, I can finally leave. I have purchased a farm in KY & am moving there alone.....which is what I should have been from the start. My concept of a partnership wasn't understood or even discussed....it was just plain ignored.

The advice about knowing what is involved & thinking through your life together is the most important time to do it "right now". It is easier to leave each other now than after you are married. Being compatible has to be a complete picture. You need to know exactly what kind of woman you want to live with for the rest of your life & she needs to do the same. It is important to be realistic....not emotional because realism is the onle thing that keeps a marriage together over the years.

Sit down & listen to what each other wants & understand it beyond all doubt before you ever decide to marry or even stay with her because everything else is good. If it all isn't good, it won't work. Compromise may work for awhile, but it turns into resentment real fast when the newness of marriage wears off.

Be ware....if it is like this now....it only gets worse,
Debbie