Hello baraxador: The Skeezyks' only comment, with regard to all of this, is to encourage you to talk about this with the psychologist you will be seeing. These are the kinds of things seeing a psychologist is all about. S/he can be of the most help to you if you disclose what is going on with you. And good, bad or indifferent these thoughts are bothersome to you. Otherwise, you would not have posted this Thread. The Skeezyks wishes you well...