For me, I don't see RL relationships much different that the therapy relationship, as far as what comes/came up in negotiating a beneficial relationship. Forums continuously speak about the inherent imbalance of therapy relationships. Granted that is so, but so is every relationship: from parent/child, teacher/student, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend/friend, brother/sister...

I have never entered into any relationship ever thinking this is or is going to be an equal relationship, including therapy. It's usually a gut feeling that tells me to push forward, hold back, or run for the hills with all relationships. Because of my own processing I usually ended RL relationships so they wouldn't tank or was never fully present. I hid myself from people. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't.

People hold back lots of information, because of how it might be perceived, shame, etc. you only know what someone is willing to tell you...it could be filled with a lot of holes or lies. I know of another person only what they tell me or I find out from other sources. It's up to me to decide how much to trust, if at all.

My depending solely on a checks and balance system for therapist (supervision, personal therapy), or any other profession to protect me, before they protect themselves or protect their own, is far from prudent.

In my case, the issues that came do to transference were just a reenactment of many previous relationships gone awry. The difference is, I had a professional that could keep most of her crap out of the room, and she knew it was something extraordinary if it entered our space, and knew it was her responsibility to deal with it (reflection, research or other professionals), which could include our working on it together. Now, that I don't run from RL relationships, I do exactly what my therapist did with me...sometimes, that means ending the relationship, because it is not working for me, so I've got to move on.

I have a friendship with my ex therapist, and with all the crap she knows about me that could destroy me is just not a factor. First, she has to much integrity, and second, which is most important, I learned from one of the better ones in the profession; her, I can't be broken.