i completely understand...
i have been trying to tell myself lately that this isnt faking.,.. its not pretending...
its real, you feel bad... but you are being STRONG... you are trying to push forward...
its hard for everyone dealing with this... but some people can't put on the mask and try to live around toher people...
its not because you are faking... you are not faking... you are just trtying to be strong...

i feel you, im sorry you feeling bad.... keep fighting, reach out for support here...
i for one will try to support you and as many people asi can... because i know how it feels to be alone in this... and it can drive you to insanity...