I just want to QUIT!!! My whole day has just been one big mess. As much as I started out not wanting to do anything, I've been able to keep pushing through, and I really didn't have anything major scheduled today anyway. A bit of training work, a couple assessments, and plenty of time to hide away in my office to fall apart while I try to get a bunch of paperwork done. Well, the training stuff I was able to put minimum effort into without doing any damage, so that helped, but then the assessments were just a ****ing mess, like they have been for about the last month!! I know it seems against everything I say on bad days to be ungrateful that they were cancelled, but cancellations and rescheduling just messes everything up.

My first assessment refused to sign anything, so that's fine, he can just sit and get in trouble, but chances are as soon as he talks to his case manager he will backpedal. So then that's another hour sometime in the future that I need to block out for him, when I already had the time put in today. Then the second assessment, this is the third time I had to schedule this person, and 2 hours before the assessment I find out he won't be coming afterall, because he's leaving tonight. I've already had to block out 3 hours for this client, all for nothing because everything kept getting rescheduled.

Then, as I'm working on getting all this figured out (as it's all happening at once), I find out that a client I have scheduled for an assessment on Wednesday is leaving in 2 weeks. If he needs any treatment I have practically no time to meet with him. His assessment initially got pushed back because we didn't know what services he needed. Then he didn't show up to his first appointment, because why bother, so it had to be rescheduled. And now I get to see him like ****ing twice.

I've already been pushing everything to the deadline. We have 10 days to schedule an assessment from their entry date, and most of them have been happening on like day 8-10, because I have no other time. I have just been so busy. Then these new employees. Can't complain much about one, even when he already is saying he's "booked". Really? "Booked" is when you have 15 hours of client contact in a 30-hour week, not when you have 10 clients who you see in half-hour increments, and not even every week. The other new employee is the problem, she's too nervous and shy to claim more clients or obligations. I get it, your first real job in the field is scary, but try. It's coming down to me being asked if I want to take on these new clients in a program she should be working more with. I end up getting one from her program, plus the three others I'm assessing for a different program already that week! Not that it's going to stop there, with my luck I'll end up with three more assessments next week, and the week after, and after that...

I just don't know how much more I can take right now. Everyone thinks I'm sick again, except for my supervisor, because I've been fighting tears all day and my nose is bright red from blowing it so much. I just want this week to be over. I want to go to the pdoc Thursday and get meds, and then I want it to be over. I took vacation time next week, so after this week I have 5 days off, work 2, and then off again for 3. I need it so bad.