Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
'
please dont read....
please dont read....
please dont read....
please dont read....
please dont read....
'
i can some times go a few days... i try to be strong, i dont want to do this stuff...
just days like today... i break down... the only way i can put myself around others is if i bleed a little... to hide it, to have a real pain and see it...
i have been drinking of course, like every day i can... as much as i can and everything... just feel like if i had a little weed i would not have resorted to such a stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid thing....
but its just sometmies some one can make me feel so... im not sure how to explain it... i feel so broken... i hate this .... i hate what i have to live through... i just want a different life... 2 days - now 0... 6 new cuts... but im fine.... i feel a little better... i just dont know why this happens... i want to be normal...
just wish someone could hold me for a while....
what am i supposed to do....
i am clean always... i take care of the wounds... it makes me feel better, like i care for myself... willl take care of myself... but why hurt myself to feel like that... i dunno... im sorry me.... im sorry everyone... i failed again....
sorry... dont want to post this stuff... i just dont have anyone i can turn to... im sorry i let so many people down....
why do people affect me so much... why cant i just disappear.... |
You haven't let anyone down. You've simply acted the only way you thought you could. You're in pain and don't know what else to do, and after it all, you turn to a group you know will at least listen, even if they can't help.
Not being affected by people is hard - hell if I know how to do it. It's largely an unconscious response you have little control over. I think that probably doesn't help, but you aren't doing anything wrong. You simply haven't figured out a defense, whatever it is.
We're right here if you need to post.