My anxiety is low for what is had been. Returned to my medicine in a lower dosis but I can't stop the self-recriminating thoughts and attacks of energy. I fear the future. I feel that I, with so much I have, don't deserve to feel bad. To Fear unemployment? My mom is giving me everything from great quality food (we at shrimp soup) to a life belonging to middle well to do class and there is no fear of losing it. That made me feel so ungrateful, like a winny baby and the sheer unfairness of all scares me, because I feel like I'm going to pay this severe debt later.

I want to do so many things but I feel like I can't do them or I'm just going to fantasy about them and do nothing and waste all the love and care given to me and this made me so short of breath and cough/retching time to time.

Right now I'm more calm. did a lot of exercise, kept looking for a job, did a lot of to do things instead of procrastinating, studied and working for maybe an scholarship, if I can pass the sheer frustration that it's the educational bureaucracy.

Feel better saying it out loud, even if it all came garbled and silly. Thank you.