I don't know if this is what you are describing exactly but my brain tends to take bits and pieces of what is negative when I'm having an episode and it gets stuck in a loop in my head. So I deal with a lot of repeats of every time I ever screwed up at work because I was hypomanic or times I've tried to help someone and come across as grandiose or delusional. It's hard to make those thoughts stop. I know they can but it's very hard to get it to happen. It's actually probably time for me to try to handle it in therapy. Again.

I don't have answers, just wanted to tell you that I know it can get better and I know how hard it is to wait it out. Do you have a pdoc? It sounds like you might benefit from something for anxiety maybe?