There is nothing really to switch to. I haven't tried every med in every combination, that sounds painful, but I have tried many different meds in every category and either got nothing from it or nothing positive plus lots of side effects.

The only class I haven't tried are MAOI's and I have contraindicated medical conditions(migraines and seizures) plus I need pain killers occasionally when my bursitis and sacroiliitis flare up.

I have had about 6 pdocs in the last 5 years. The current one listens well, and actually lets me make decisions since I spend so much time educating myself on all this craziness. I only see him 30 minutes every 3 months. My pdoc has labeled my depression as intractable and I think he is getting ready to stop seeing me and just give me refills, I have been there before but not while being so unstable, which doesn't help my stability. I can read his notes on the VA website and he is getting really frustrated with me, or rather my lack of progress.

They do have therapists I can go talk to about once a month but that is a waste of my time. The VA is really stretched thin dealing with all the vets that came back from the middle east. My pdoc says I need 2-3 sessions a week badly, but that scares me.

In the late 90's I saw one twice a week and she did such a number on my head it took 5 years to get clear of the damage she caused. Even my ex-wife, who came in for 1 appointment hated her because the therapist took her side and spent the session telling her she was right to leave me(I was never abusive in any sort of manner, never cheated, I am on good terms with my ex to this day) and I don't deserve another relationship. Well, she was right about the last part as I gave up relationships in 2002. I could write a book describing the ways she twisted me up.

I know not all therapists are bad like she was, but it is hard to go back, even for one session a month. Maybe it would help and give me a handle on things, I can't seem to do that alone these days.

The ECT thing is really driving me nuts. I was supposed to talk to him two weeks ago but he simply didn't show up that day and the substitute doctor didn't want to make any big decisions or even give me advice and I can't see him again until mid-April.

I might need to ditch my podiatrist since I think he is mistaking side effects of Geodon for peripheral neuropathy, while ignoring the fact that my problem is caused by either a pinched nerve or benign tumor.. The gabapentin seems to counter-act the sleep properties of the remeron

Gabapentin is the reason I am up at 12:30 AM and I will be up by 9 or 10 and wrecked the entire day but at night I will be wired again. I need to be put in a coma for a month or so.

Thanks to all for kind words and advice. It is nice, but sad, to know that others are in a similar boat and willing to talk. That is helpful.

Sorry for barfing on the boards again, I probably sound like an imbecile. It is somewhat helpful to write my feelings down, I should probably start a journal.