I've wondered about bipolar for as long as I've been receiving mental health treatment. I'm tired of writing out my life story as a way to explain symptoms so I'm going to try bullet-pointing it and see if that works. Any help is appreciated, my head and my life are getting stressful and out of control at the moment.

- impulsivity; I am impulsive when it comes to good things and bad things, I also have impulsive thoughts which often involve dangerous things (like stabbing myself or grabbing the steering wheel of my boyfriend's car whilst he's driving). I've never acted on the thoughts, but the lesser actions are a common occurrence for me. At the end of last month, I got paid by the people I receive benefits from. I then spent the whole lot of money I got on a holiday for me and my boyfriend. Yesterday, I spent a grand on a MacBook. This is money I really don't have to spare and would be much more suited to other things. Regardless, the money was spent and it was a there and then decision in both cases. I didn't go away and think about it etc. I also moved countries twice in the last 4 years to live with an alcoholic father just because I could, again, decisions I didn't think about. My impulsive behaviour carries through to when I'm depressed as well, it got to a point where I overdosed one day just because I didn't want to live, even though the day before that, even the morning of that day, I was looking forward to the future. I just saw tablets and overdosed. I ended up in hospital. Two weeks later I did the same thing again.

- periods of happiness/depression; I will experience about two to three months of severe depression - not getting out of bed, not leaving my house or showering, not eating, sleeping all day. Then, one morning I will wake up and for about a week, I'll go into the city centre every day shopping, I'll spend all my money, I'll decide I want to start studying Law and I'll buy books and all that stuff. This is also the time where I would get drunk and do drugs etc, but my boyfriend is really good and doesn't let me anywhere near any of that stuff. And I'll be relatively happy. My anxiety also gets worse during this time.

- extreme irritability/anger; I have huge outbursts of anger. It scares the living hell out of me. I would never hurt a person or my dog, but I've had the feeling too. It's horrible. I've badly bruised my knuckles punching a wall, I've broken a window with my hand, I've smashed my phone against the wall and every door in my house has holes in it. When it get's bad, I get psychotic, like I turn into a crazy person.. honest to God. My mother has threatened to call the police on me a number of times. I've also dead-bolt locked her out the house when she took the key so I couldn't do just that, so I found a screwdriver and almost broke the door. Sometimes this comes out of nowhere, my mother will come home from work and I'll just lose it over nothing.

- relationships; I'm unable to keep and hold a relationship, aside from my boyfriend, every relationship I've had in the last five years has either been detrimental to my health or just none-existent. I latch on to people when I'm 'happy' and I don't let go, I can get obsessive and be extremely clingy. When I'm 'depressed' the person almost doesn't exist to me. I'll cut them off for no reason and not speak to them for months. And then that will cause relationships to break down and end - friend relationships have been most affected. I used to have a good friend group of about 4 people, granted they all had mental health problems and they probably made my mental health worse, but one day I decided to stop talking to them for no reason and I haven't spoken to them in a year or two.

Those are the main things and I could have split the bullet points up into further points but whatever. Right now, I'm in a middle stage where I'm not full on depressed but I'm not happy either. I'm just sat on my new MacBook feeling pretty... just fine. Nothing in particular.

Does anyone have any advice or can anyone say whether this sounds like bipolar? I really want to bring it up to my doctor and hopefully get some proper help if this is the case.