I would also like to understand this stuff better too. I am finding my last session with T difficult to remember, like I remember what the topic of conversation but not the actual words that were said except for small bits and pieces. I get very anxious during sessions when things start to get "deep" so I guess this is my way of dealing with it. I am going to ask my T about this next time I see her so I will let you know what she says!

Does dissociation result in not being mindful, or does not being mindful result in dissociation?

I would answer this (for me) that they are two different things. For me dissociation happens, I don't chose it - I have a hard time getting out of it. Mindfulness is something that can be worked on by paying attention to the current moment. So in short, (again, for me) dissociation results in not being mindful. Two separate things that by using mindfulness I can try to overcome dissociation. That probably doesn't make any sense. This is something worded a bit better (Mindfulness vs. Dissociation). I agree more with the Mindlessness is an issue and Dissociation is an issue each have their own different underlying reasons for occurring but you can use mindfulness to help overcome dissociation. That was a rambling circle of words - hope it made some sense.

Is not being present in a session always mean you're dissociating? I'm confused because lately I'm not present, or not mindful, but I don't know why that happens. Like when I hugged my T last session but didn't feel it. I know I was hugging her but I didn't feel it.

No. Sometimes not being present is just the mind saying 'nope, not today can't handle anymore' but that doesn't necessarily mean dissociation. I also suffer from both derealization (foreign world) and depersonalization (not with my body). So a lot of the time I can't feel my body because my mind separates it from me.

I was away last week so I didn't have a session. I want very much to be present tomorrow. I want to be able to look at T and not look through her.

Can you work on this with her? Tell her that you want to work on seeing her and not looking through her? Could your non-presentness (I know not a word) be a result of fear of connection again? Or the strength of that connection? Hence, not feeling the hug from her - you want it but you don't? When I'm feeling like that in session we spend the session working on looking at her, telling her what I'm seeing, talking to myself to her about everything going on through my eyes and my body and I find it greatly helpful and something I'm finally learning to use in my everyday life, on my own without her prompts - they are becoming 'natural' to me to focus on every little thing during the day, telling myself what I'm doing, how it feels etc.
Not sure if any of that helped feel free to PM me if you have any questions, etc. That's my "two cents" on the topic.

Mindfulness is about achieving a state of awareness and focus on the present moment and your feelings within the moment. If you are not being mindful, that does not mean you are dissociating. We are rarely mindful in our everyday lives, when we are focusing on tasks or other things but that doesn't constitute dissociation.
Dissociation is about disconnection from our surroundings or parts of ourselves. I have only recently begun to recognise my experience of dissociation; my mild experience includes my vision going white, not hearing or understanding what is being said and confusion about what is real or what has occurred. More severe episodes can include a sense of separation from self or multiple personality disorders. It's a psychological phenomenon and not to be confused with not being mindful (although mindfulness techniques may help as grounding exercises to prevent dissociation).

Echos - thank you for making more sense out of what I was trying to say. I tend to talk in circles

I totally agree. And, I'd venture to say that trying to go directly from a state of dissociation to mindfulness is a rather tall (and I'd say near impossible) order -- instead, I mostly just try to get to my generally mindless mundane state of being

Ellah - i liked your reply very much too. Esp the part about just talking about what you are experiencing in session. It really takes the emphasis off whatever the t is doing. Like we can make the t a blank slate whenever we want to. Which i think should be sometimes, as sometimes we seem to get stuck on what they are doing instead of us.