Quote:
Originally Posted by MerlinEm
Ok..... so where do I even begin?
So, for a long time, but especially strong now, I've wanted for something to be wrong with me.... but it isn't that I want attention, at least I don't think so.
It's just that.... I don't want to be like every other human being and just live my unfulfilling life, marry, have kids, die. I don't know why, but I just have this feeling like I have to rebel, against life.
I don't want to have an ignorant life, and live for emotions. People live to experience emotions, but no, I'm not like that, right?
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The only problem, is that part of me doesn't care about the logical side, it just wants to experience these damned emotions!
I can't, not me too.
I don't know how to cope with this internal conflict.
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I get where you're coming from but really, you don't want something wrong with you, I think what you want more fundamentally is something right with you, Not just "average" but something that pushes you away from the crowd, you don't want the negative aspect of that, it'll make your life even bleaker.
In truth, Life can seem a bit hollow sometimes, it's all subjective, sometimes i wonder why i even try, i think about maybe ending my life because there's nothing really extravagant about it, but again, It's what you make of it really, If you convince yourself that life is drab and boring and uneventful then it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
The people who are unfortunate to be born with some disorder or problem are not to be envied, sure they have this individuality right out of the box..but it is in no way worth it for what they're losing, they strive to be part of these normal people that you are begging to get away from.
If you want something to separate yourself from the rest of us, look for it, it's not gonna be looking for you.
Live for what you find important, not what people tell you is important.
I hope you find it.