Thunder Bow: I think you nailed it. I think in a way I am holding onto it because in a way, I don't really want to confront my true feelings. Basically, my worry that I'm a bad person. (I think I've always had that worry to some degree) It didn't help that I said a lot of stuff I shouldn't have. (Trust me, you would not have liked me in that moment if you read what I wrote. I don't think even being a teenager in college really excuses it -- I was technically an adult. I could have kept my head)

Serzen: That's a wonderful idea. It helps that I already have the apps on my phone, so maybe every day (whether I'm angry or not) I can just pull it up and calm myself down.

LauraBeth: I'm really sorry about your husband. And that's true. It's definitely kind of poisoned me a bit, to the point of not really trusting happiness much. I think it even kind of kept me a bit hermitlike just because I was dwelling in it. I think I even relied on it in a way. So...yeah, I think I've held onto it too long. Maybe I'm kind of scared of what will happen if I let go of it.

Shaly78: She was an old friend of mine. I think what really hurt was that in the beginning, I kind of saw her as like a mentor to me, and the older sister I never had. (I'm the older kid in my family, and when I was a kid, I always kind of wished I had an older sister to look to. I was fortunate to have many awesome role models over the years, though, so there is that. I guess I just kind of wished for an older sister) And then I just started noticing how nasty she could be to other people. She kind of broke things off with me, but we were still in the same fandom and I ended up kind of watching her just be...awful to people. I think she was angry and wanted to make sure others felt it, and she never considered the humanity of other people. She even kind of made a "joke"/threat about shooting up the place where the main person she was angry at lived. I guess that's what gets me.

But I like your idea a lot. Doing a bit of a writing ceremony. That and cutting off an unhealthy relationship before it gets too bad.

Honestly, everyone in this thread has given me wonderful ideas. Thank you.