I feel like a worthless person because I feel bad. I should feel better. I have everything or nearly everything. I'm safe, yet this safety made me think "How is this justice? Why I should have it when so many others don't" and then I feel terrible because this are gifts from my mother with love and here I'm bemoaning and being ungrateful. And then I fear that something horrible is going to happen to me because karma and I don't want to suffer and lose all this love and help but I can't stop fearing the future.

I want to go to bed. I want to curl. I want to cry and cry and cry but I'm too ashamed to do it, even alone, because I wold be admitting that help is not enough, that everything is not fine when it should be fine and that I'm going to hurt those who are close to me who had to watch me suffer.