Quote:
Originally Posted by scallion5
it doesn't sound heinous. but, at the same time, he's sharing his opinion. some people (maybe not you, but some people) are people pleasers and will be swayed by hearing an authority figure's opinion, particularly if somehow they say 'well my therapist recommended it, so maybe it will help.' rather than listening to their own desires in life.
maybe this was an issue for your friend, maybe she had people in her life that she felt she 'had to' comply with or couldn't locate her own self/experience if there was another person's in the mix. i personally struggle with that. i had things like teacher tell me 'oh, XYZ would be great," and i ended up doing XYZ because "so and so said it would be good," and i was looking for approval.
it would have been better for me if i had people encouraging me to understand myself. it sounds like maybe you have that. my T is very careful about this. he doesn't want me to do 'the right thing,' but to be able to understand what the right thing is for me on my own. that's particular to me.
i too would worry a little if i heard just the bits you shared. just a little worried that you might end up changing your opinions without realizing it after talking to him. like, that he will have an influence just by virtue of expressing his opinion. there's power in being a therapist and even simple things can influence how we think or consider situations.
not saying that will happen, just that it happens to some ppl so those of us who are like that have to be extra cautious...or we end up trying to be who the therapist wants...rather than our real self.
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Thanks everyone.
You'd have to know this woman to know that she is a real go-getter. Very together. That was a million moons ago around her divorce. She is honestly an AMAZING woman - I don't know how she keeps so many balls in the air and I respect her immensely, but I honestly couldn't figure out what I said that got her off on a bender.
As far as people pleasers - it's funny b/c she mentioned that she thinks I always put other people first and she was using my defending him as an example. One of my character flaws in my opinion is that I am too selfish. I pretty much put NO ONE above me, however, I did have an experience with a therapist once before.
It had to do with my marriage. My husband and I were separated and toying with reconciliation but I moved 2 hours from where we lived and he wasn't coming to visit me. I'd go to him. Meanwhile I was crazy attracted to this guy I had just met. My therapist at that time told me that it looked like i was doing all the work and that he didn't seem like he was interested in reconciling. Because of how I was feeling about the next guy I just agreed with her and started moving on but i regretted that.
I just feel like he is the first therapist that I'm making headway with and i don't want to feel like I'm the ahole for sticking up for him.