Thank you for asking, Ellahmae. I can't believe it's after midnight when I finally have a chance to write! I had an interesting session. I was right about T's chair. The first thing she asked when I told her I want to work on being present was
is my chair too far or too close?" She said it was important to get it just right for me so I don't get nervous about her sitting too close but she's close enough so that I feel connected.

Then I asked about not being mindful vs dissociation. She said not being mindful is conscious, like you're thinking about your grocery list when you're supposed to be listening to a lecture, but dissociation is unconscious. I was surprised when she said my not being present IS dissociation. She says it happens when I feel emotions but get anxious about them or they're too much for me.
She asked if I was present a few times during the session. She says she can tell when I'm not because I look to the side, and not at her. I said I've always done that with people, and it may be shyness, not dissociaition. We talked about some stuff, and I realized I wasn't totally there. She said she's glad I am aware! At the end, when we hugged, she asked if I could feel the hug. I could!

It was a good session but I feel a little disappointed because it went so quickly. I am going to notice how I am with others. I told T that I don't stay present with others, either. I don't have direct eye contact, either. Getting too tired to write anymore.