Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron
T and I have had a couple of really difficult sessions where I haven't felt understood by him regarding my feelings about my first therapist contacting me out of the blue and it's just felt frustrating and upsetting.
Today part of me just wanted to ignore it because I couldn't face another session of miscommunication, and I told him that, but I said it felt like we just had to plow through it anyway because there was no way around it. And I'm so glad we did.
T told me he has been experiencing feelings towards me that he perceives as paternal in nature (I'm 30, he's around 60), including feeling protective and proud of me, and that this had been happening on an unconscious level. He suggested that those feelings might have been behind the "I don't consider myself to be a member of your family" comment which seemed so clumsy and bizarre to me last session.
He thinks that when I needed him to show me some protectiveness about what T1 was doing, that part of him was 'looking the other way' he thinks as a form of self-defense from feelings of helplessness with regard to what was happening.
He also said that his feeling that T1 'should be made aware' of what he has done to me has gotten in the way of his reactions too. (Though we agree neither of us actually should make him aware of it).
I'm so pleased he has taken such care to think about what had been making communication and understanding so difficult on his part, and that he obviously cares about me (I suppose I've had a hard time believing he cared because he seemed to be missing the mark so much recently).
His ability to be self-reflective and emotionally honest with himself are what I admire about him the most, and what makes the relationship work.
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That's great that it was a productive session and he was so open with you about what he was feeling. Definitely seems like it would explain the tension between you. He's probably trying to be extra careful, too, because of what happened with T1.
Funny that my T said stuff that suggested she had some maternal countertransference for me last week--talking about blurred boundaries and her feelings getting involved, concerned she was too close to me to view my situation objectively. This was in response to me saying she had seemed really distant from me in the session before she went on vacation. She said it was because she was trying to take a step back and probably went too far in that direction. (Which led to her suggesting hospitalization, when she knew I would object to that--it felt like she was treating me like a random client, not like someone she'd been working with for 4 years.) I had sensed she was getting closer, but was afraid to bring it up. I was really surprised she shared all that with me, because she usually doesn't talk about her feelings or reactions to things with me. (That's more of an MC thing. Though he's never mentioned countertransference toward me. But I'm pretty sure there's some of the paternal type of that going on with him, and that's why he's gotten closer and then pulled back a couple times.)
Part of your issue with T1 was that he was getting too close but wouldn't admit to that, right? It sounds like your current T is much more self-aware and willing to admit his faults. Which is definitely a good thing! Hopefully talking about all of this will just make your relationship with him stronger.