I couldn't find better topic for this case as this which I wrote.
Well, first of all you need to know, that probably I will write this text with really huge and awful mistakes. Why? Because I don't speak well english language. It's my second language. I'm not english man or else. I'm writting here this post because in my country help for this kind of problems don't exist. I am a problem. For me, my family and maybe for my compatriots. Not at all.

Every day when I realise that there is "this" secret which is deep in my heart, in my soul, I feel really bad. I am gay and... I think it's normal. I have a boyfriend and with bad and good occurence we are together 10 mounths. I'm 24 years old, studying two courses, learning (as you can see) language english, fight with my disadvantages to feel better and it helps me to run away from the truth.

My friends know, that I'm gay (not everyone) and please belive me - if there wouldn't be so huge obstacle I could tell my mother and father the truth. But I can't. Why?

I'm not alone in my family with homosexsuality. I have older sister which is also homosexual. She lives with her girlfriend, she told my mother everything about her when she was 24 and now she lives without any frightfull. And i'm so scared WHAT WILL HAPPEND WHEN MY PARENTS REALISE or just i will tell them that i'm gay. I feel guilty with that, i don't know why but it will kill them. I asked my friends what should i do - and they just telling me "yes, when your mother will know the truth, she will be so breakdown". Oh thanks for help! My boyfriend - well... i think he doesn't tell nothing more than "soon, they will know".

Oh Christe, I know that they will know that, but now i'm not ready to say that. If this case appear, i will be on the edge. So what should i do now? Or in the future? run away? disappear? or tell it now and have hope, that everything will be alright?