well i made it to T today. took some hyperventilating on the way but i made it. im only getting your post now but i did manage to talk a bit anyway. thanks so much for taking the time to give me some suggestions though. there was still a lot of staring at the floor but i brought up a couple of things that were really bothering me. just brought them up. couldnt really talk about them but its something at least i think.
i also told her as much as i could about why im finding it so difficult to talk about some stuff and that i dont have a clear a to z plan about the topics im thinking of which scares me. she reminded me therapy is about saying what you re thinking regardless of whether its logical or not and suggested i write some of the stuff down and bring it in next week. i think i ll try to do that.
that 'edge of a black hole' is a perfect description. i was calling it the edge of the cliff myself today. my mind is just totally out of control. ive avoided si so far and hope to keep that up. ive been here before several times and when im in a positive mood sometimes it seems that periods like this are a step of growth but when in them it really doesnt feel like that at all.
you said Maybe you could figure out those questions you can't ask...bit at a time...not necessarily wanting answers, but they can give insight as to what is making you ask those questions....which may be more important than actually answering them anyway." thats exactly what i want. to know why these things are in my head. the questions and thoughts and feelings. and how to get them out.
i ll look forward to chatting in pm if and when you get a chance. will be offline for two days again from tomorrow so dont worry if i dont get back immediately.
((((((((((((adopted mom))))))))))))) lol