Hello chattering_ghost: Welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know why you have the fantasies you are struggling with. Personally my entire being is filled with thoughts & urges I don't understand. Some of it I have tried to share in the past to no avail. Some of it would be so humiliating I could never share it.

I enjoy watching TV programs, as well as reading about, current research into the working of the brain. One thing that keeps coming up is that much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So perhaps there are things stored in non-conscious areas of your brain that are causing you to have this fantasy. Just a thought...

Under any circumstances, as long as your fantasy remains a fantasy, that's all it is... just a chimera... nothing to be worried about. Best wishes...