Today started kind of bad. Woke up with a mild panic attack at 4 so I tried to do all the exercises but I was tired and afraid of calming too much and going to sleep again because I had an interview at 9. Ate banana and milk and when to another city for the interview, being recommended from a friend that work there as a teacher. During the drive me and my mom talked and allowed me to calm myself, to accept this pain as mine and control it.

Resulted that the interview was a bust. My friend called the director but the director didn't said anything to the campus, but I think I acted calm and fine and gave a good impression. Took me nearly an hour to find the bus station and return to my home, but since I got earlier I managed to get on time for my swimming class. Helped me a lot with the anxiety and the internal critic. Walked from the school instead of taking the bus. Was good exercise. My mother recieved me with great food and in an hour my friend is coming to visit. I feel more relaxed but my back is killing me and sometimes I want to cry because my life is so good and I fear something is going to hurt me or take it all away as karmic retribution. Trying to stay positive and love myself.