I was just thinking about this. This is day 2 of my husband trying to share his would-of, could-of, should-of tirade about how I need to earn more money. Uh huh. I'm on unpaid medical leave, and I just started a nice, comfortable, low paying part-time job that is great for me. His behavior was triggering for me yesterday, so I told him I was angry with him, which was triggering for him. Last night, even though my feelings were hurt, I realized that neither of us was being very effective. Don't want to hijack the thread, but, I'm going through a version of what you said.